Given a whopping 0% by Rotten Tomatoes, Nicolas Cage’s movie “Left Behind” deserved its rapture storyline. 

Based on the apocalyptic novels by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye, this remake of the 2001 movie of the same title (which also had a few straight-to-DVD sequels) follows the life of Rayford Steele played by the one and only national treasure that is Nicolas Cage. The coolest part of this so-called action movie is the character’s name, by the way. 

This is probably one of the worst performances done by Cage. With his fake hair and odd stance as the voice of reason, it feels like Cage was added to the movie after the fact. He’s just so awkward.  

The movie begins with Rayford’s daughter Chloe (Cassi Thompson) coming home from college for the weekend for Rayford’s birthday. However, Rayford, who is a pilot, got a last-minute assignment to fly from New York to London overnight. At least that’s what he told his wife. 

Rayford’s wife, Irene, (Lea Thompson) has recently become a Bible-thumper and has tried her hardest to make her family follow the same path as shown by the camera lingering on her ever-present Bible. This has caused a rift in the husband and wife’s relationship. So, Rayford makes a plan to try to seduce a hot flight attendant with U2 tickets. 

So, there’s a very awkward conversation between Chloe and Rayford as Chloe arrives and Rayford leaves. There’s also a confrontation between Chloe and a woman who just bought a religious book to show that Chloe doesn’t believe because of conflict. 

Then there’s a weirdly long conversation between Chloe and hotshot TV correspondent Buck Williams (played by Chad Michael Murray) who just so happens to be a passenger on Rayford’s plane. 

Yeah, this “action” movie is mostly sitting around and talking. 

Then BAM! Suddenly, God is pulling the pure of heart into Heaven. It’s mostly children, but also people like Irene who believe in Him. 

The world goes crazy as people disappear worldwide. A school bus drives off an overpass and a plane crashes into a mall parking lot. However, mostly it’s just people running around and flailing their arms because apparently, that represents fear. 

The movie continues with more supposed chaos in the air. First-class passengers start freaking out. Jordan Sparks plays a worried mother whose child just disappeared and somehow smuggles a handgun onto the plane. But she doesn’t play it very well. Then there’s a constant conversation between a Muslim and a little person that the camera continues to cut back to for comic relief. 

Without giving too much away, the movie ends with Chloe driving a steamroller into the night. No, I’m not joking. 

For a movie that seems to feel like it needs to spell everything out, there is literally no answer as to why God was taking people away. 

This movie sucks. There’s no nicer way to explain it. Just don’t watch it.