Can I call your mom?

Okay, that came out a little awkward.

What I meant was, more generally, is it always appropriate for employees at Wayne State College to contact a parent regarding the behavior of a student, whether it be sub-par academic performance or stashing beer in a dorm fridge?

I know sometimes the communication has flowed the other way. On occasion, I have received a phone call from a frustrated parent inquiring after the performance of their kid.

Usually, I will politely discuss the expectations of the course and how a student may thrive and learn. I will describe ways that students typically stumble, and how they can work their way out of an academic sinkhole.

I have great sympathy for parental angst and the urge to protect children.

But I won’t talk specifics.

Perhaps there has been a generational shift in the perception of college students, or maybe I just had a different experience.

When I spent my time at a major university or two, many years ago, I did not have the perception the institutions would ever call my mom. I was a young adult paying tuition to enjoy the opportunity to learn. My failings or legal issues were mine alone, as well as the decision to what extent I would reveal this information to my family and friends.

It was all a part of learning and maturing—dealing with problems and consequences free of parental manipulation. College was a safe(ish) environment to push boundaries and understand ramifications.

I was free to succeed or fail on my own terms.

College was the educational bridge to complete the path to emancipation and independent, responsible decision-making.

So, it piqued my interest when the actions of the University of Michigan splashed over social media.

Michigan announced they would inform parents when first-year students repeatedly violated school alcohol or drug policies, or, if they were jailed, or if their alcohol consumption was coupled with some other serious offense (e.g. vandalism or assault).

Some institutions will contact parents after the first infraction.

I understand the impulse to contact parents.

Many (tuition-paying) parents would welcome that information and would be enraged to learn little Johnny College was traipsing about drunk, skipping classes, and generally pissing away the family fortune and, the college knew it.

That could lead to not only parental tantrums but potential litigation, if these repeated actions led to tragedy and loss of life.

My concern, though, is that we are assuming little Johnny College has a functioning familial structure?

Have we properly considered what turmoil might ensue if this information is shared; given not all families are sunshine, flowers, and unicorns?

What if parents are absent, or even worse, abusive and perhaps contributing to little Johnny College’s aberrant behaviors?

Dropping some news of beer stashed in the dorm fridge may exacerbate a bad situation, not necessarily foster education.

But, at its root, my objection is just that of a cranky old professor.

I am really wishing to cultivate an atmosphere here that promotes responsible, mature decision-making that is anchored within students, not the external threat of parental disapproval and spankings.

I want students, individually and collectively, to take responsibility for their own rules and behavior. Leave the adults out of it, to the extent we can. This is not a public high school; there is no “en loco parentis.”

Would I be upset to learn my kid was doing keg stands outside of her dorm? Well, maybe, but I would probably see it since my office building is next door.

At some point, parents have to perceive their kids as independent actors and the kids have to understand that too. Colleges, today, may not be fostering that transition.