The Wayne Stater

  • May 7Welcome to

Tips and tricks for freshmen

Nick Ulrich, Columnist

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• Get to know your roommates — they can become your best friends!

• Get to know the green elf who lives in the closet — he may become a valuable asset when the great war begins.

• Use up all your meals — the lower gag and library coffee shop now accept meal credits.

• Stay out of the lower gag — that’s my turf.

• Visit a teacher in their office — it’ll make their day.

• Visit a teacher in their bedroom when they’re not expecting it — it will make their WEEK!

• When making new friends, class schedules can be a great ice breaker.

• When avoiding making plans with those friends, class schedules can also be very useful.

• Participate in events around campus — they’re fun and can help you meet new people.

• Participate in the daily worship of the Lord Cthulhu — without Lord Cthulhu, we are nothing.

• Show up to classes. Attendance is the easiest way to pass a class, and not showing up is the easiest way to fail.

• Ensure that your teacher knows you’re in the classroom, even if you have to bring an airhorn for roll call or write down “NICK ULRICH IN THE HIZOUSE” on the attendance sheet.

• Finally, enjoy your time here — you never know when the great war is going to begin.

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Tips and tricks for freshmen