Spending these last few weeks back in a high school environment to student teach has reminded me (perhaps a bit more than I’d prefer) of what it’s like to be a teenager. I remember quite vividly the days that I was invincible and the days that I felt like I was constantly being run over by the Life Train. Do I still have days wherein the Life Train rolls around to suck me under the caboose? Sure. But as a teenager, every single heartbreak, every single misstep felt like “Apocalypse Now”, like my world was imploding around me and I would never make it out alive. But I did, and in retrospect it would have been nice to have my twenty-three-year-old self shed a little guiding light. So, better late than never, an open letter to my fifteen year old self might read something like this:

Failing does not necessarily make you a failure. It’s okay that you struggled through that test and did not come out the other side victorious. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it. One loss does not constitute failure; one loss means you have to get back up and work harder. Success doesn’t always come easy, and it’s almost always better that way.

If your dad doesn’t like your boyfriend, there’s probably a legitimate reason. The fact that he has no curfew isn’t cool; it actually probably terrifies the hell out of your parents. His motorcycle is dangerous and not wearing a helmet on the back of it is being an idiot, not having fun. If he didn’t shake your father’s hand or come to the door or act mildly terrified of interacting with your parents there’s a solid possibility that he’s bad news. Your father knows that. He knows teenage boys much better than you do. He was one.

Laughing at yourself is way better than being embarrassed. Every single human trips on the sidewalk or drops their stacks of books all over the hallway at least once in their life. Chill out. Getting angry does one of two things; it either draws out the mocking even longer because you made yourself an easy target, or your irrational anger makes everybody super uncomfortable.

Despite what they think, your parents don’t NEED to know everything. Sometimes it’s better to keep them out of the loop. If this is a problem you can solve without help or a mistake that doesn’t have any nasty, lasting consequences, it is okay if you “forget to mention it.” You probably won’t be friends forever. It’s a nice thought, to think that the friends you have as a teenager are the ones that stick, but more often than not you’ll lose at least a few. Don’t let it break your heart; the ones that don’t stick are probably the ones that didn’t better you anyway. More significant relationships are on the horizon.

Life will get significantly better than high school. High school was a wonderful time in my life, don’t get me wrong. But the people that you’ll meet and the relationships that you’ll find when you start to be a grown-up are the good ones. Your parents actually like you, which is nice. You almost constantly get along with your siblings and your friends are your friends because of choice and not proximity.

So don’t be afraid to grow up. Keep watch for the light at the end of the teenage-tunnel, but don’t go blind to the middle part. Broken hearts won’t be the end of the world and one bad grade doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Pack your bags and jump on the Life Train, not under it.