So, I was all set to write a column about how even brainy, super-genius neurosurgeons like Dr. Ben Carson (OMIGOD HE CUT TWO TWINS APART WHO WERE CONJOINED AT THE HEAD!) can nevertheless, prove to be dith­ering idiots in other areas of human understanding.

His knowledge of the U.S. Constitution is remarkably thin, evidenced most recently in his comments that Muslims should not be President because their values are “inconsistent” with those in the Constitution.

Well, the exact opposite.

Religious tolerance is clearly articulated in Article VI of that Con­stitution (“…no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States”) because the framers anticipated that intolerant, self-righteous, bloated know-it-alls may want to take their scalpels to the fundamental liberties of societal outliers (TWINS! THEIR HEADS! HE CUT THEM!).

Carson clearly wanted to take his scalpel (TWINS! HEADS! CUT!) to Muslim-Americans interested in public service. And he is presently second in national polls for the Re­publican nomination.

Super.

Of course, the front-runner, Don­ald Trump, recently allowed an outburst of anti-Islamic sentiment at a rally in New Hampshire. A gentleman stood and declared to Mr. Trump:

“We have a problem in this coun­try. It’s called Muslims. You know our current president is one. You know he’s not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. My question: When can we get rid of them?”

To this stinky, spewing garbage of intolerant untruths, Trump re­sponded:

“We’re going to be looking at a lot of different things. You know, a lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening. We’re going to be look­ing at that and many other things.”

I am wondering if the Republicans are going to be able to reframe and civilize the rhetoric within their nomination process, pushing aside and rejecting our worst impulses, and actually win an imminently winnable election.

I am not so sure.

But I won’t be writing about any of this, because some student named “Jamie Policky” (is he real or one of those obviously fake friend requests I keep getting from Sri Lanka?) posted this on my Facebook page as I was preparing to write this column:

“Will you puhh-lease write a col­umn about how cheaters never win and if someone were to cheat they will likely end up in an unfathom­able inferno where their soul will rot for all of eternity?”

I am happy to oblige, Mr. Policky—if you are real.

Academic dishonesty is a very real problem at Wayne State Col­lege. It is estimated 75 percent of college students cheat, and I have seen growing evidence of misbe­havior in my American Government classes.

Academic dishonesty is actually pretty easy to detect.

On my exams, each semester, I see groupings of answers that are ver­batim, incoherent and silly in all the same ways. These people apparently are passing around notes with the same errant essay answers, because, well, they were too lazy and stupid to just listen and study.

Needless to say, they do poorly on the exam, either through grad­ing (where they receive that richly earned “D” or “F”), or, if I choose to fail them for the exam or course, which is my prerogative.

Last semester, I actually had a student message me a picture of a guy reading bad answers off of his phone.

That was a high point of my career.

Cheating is a serious offense that cuts at the heart of any academic community.

Those caught should be failed; they earned it. But, at its base, stu­dents are only hurting themselves.

They are paying tuition (HEY, it’s 9% more this year!) to better them­selves and develop critical thinking and professional skills, which they certainly won’t get if they cheat. In fact, they are merely paying to fail in life, sort of like being owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars.

I can’t speak for cheaters going to hell, although there is a real prob­ability they will end up in a room where I will repeat my same tired, profanity-addled lines for all eter­nity while fire is blown up various orifices. Or, even worse, you will find yourself drawn to the intoler­ant bleatings of rogue presidential candidates.

It’s all up to you. Work hard, respect your peers and better your­self, or demean and hurt yourself.

Seems like a clear choice.

Like Carson 2016 (TWINS!).