In my four years away from my native New England home, I have been asked more times than I can count to talk in a Boston accent.

News flash. Not everyone from the northeast talks like Mark Wahlberg in “The Departed.”

But luckily for me, I have been able to appease the masses with the ability to drop my r’s when asked. And that’s why I’m now here teaching you Nebraskans and your proper way of speaking, how to talk Boston.

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Bawstahn

The greatest city ever (don’t even think about saying New York). Birth place of the American Revolution and the best sports town of the last decade. With its winding streets and Irish pubs on every corner, you can’t find better.

Wicked

It’s an adjective that adds emphasis to literally anything. If I said “It’s cold outside” then you better get your jacket and hat and head out for the day.
But if I say “Its wicked cold outside,” you better wear about five layers of coats, write out your will and call your loved ones and say your goodbyes.

Sawx

The greatest baseball team ever and I don’t care what you say (Take your 27 rings Yankee fans and shove ‘em). The best Sawx name to say in a Boston accent? Nomah Garciaparra.

Clam Chowdah

There is no better soup in the entire world. If it was created 2,000 years ago Jesus would have had it at the last supper. White clam chowdah is the only way to go. If you eat clear or red please don’t talk to me.

Bubblah

Not until I came out here did I call it a water fountain. Any time from K-12 that I needed a drink I asked the teacher if I could go to the bubblah. Sorry we’re more creative.

Brady

Just an easier, faster way to say the greatest Quarterback of all time.

Beeah

It’s what everyone everywhere loves to drink at the end of a long day.

Fenway Pahk

Trust me, it’s the best place to be in New England during the summer. Seeing the Green Monstah and the Sawx while enjoying a beeah. If someone asks, “Is this heaven?” just answer, “No, it’s Fenway.”

The Gahden

It’s where the Bruins and Celtics play. It used to be the Fleet Center for a while, but it just didn’t feel right not calling it the Gahden.

Grinder

Basically what you get at Subway but to us it’s a grinder, doesn’t that sound cooler?

Cawp

A police officer but you have to ask them first if they’re a cawp. Watch “The Departed” if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

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Things we love: The beach, Del’s lemonade, the leaves in autumn, seafood, driving only 20 minutes to get anywhere, being loud, winning.

Things we hate: The Yankees, Yankees fans, tourists (looking at you New Jersey…), red chowder, Derek Jeter, people who think Rhode Island is an island or part of New York, the Yankees again.

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I hope that if someday you make it to New England you can use this as your guide to hide the fact that you’re a tourist.

It’s a wonderful place that I’m proud to be from. And hopefully someday you’ll see why.

But if not, enjoy using these words as a way to get a laugh at the bar with your buds.

Go Sawx.