Let’s start with the obvious. About half or more of the people reading this are going to be celebrating Easter this weekend with their families. Some will celebrate on the Sunday that it occurs and for some reason, one day isn’t enough to celebrate the (supposed) resurrection of our (supposed) lord and (supposed) savior. Monday, is also an off day for all the Christians and heathens that attend Wayne State College.

Buy why is that? Easter is a religious holiday, there’s no doubting that, and yet this is not a religious school. We get that Monday off for the celebration of Easter, there’s no doubting that either (the religious oligarchy that runs this school will try to tell you it’s “Spring Break” but come on, let’s be real here. This is a break for Easter).

Meanwhile, students are asked to attend school on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a nationally recognized holiday not based on religious mythology. While Easter is a holiday that recognizes the resurrection to about 70 percent of the United States, MLK Day should recognize a hero in the Civil Rights Movement to 100 percent of the United States.

Here is the main difference between these two that seems to be the most telling. While fans of MLK day ask only for the singular day off of school (the Monday on which it occurs), advocates for this Easter break ask for the Monday after Easter… as if the holiday itself isn’t a break enough for people.

The most interesting thing about it is that public schools have to try to hide the fact that they’re celebrating Easter. I say, Wayne State, if you’re going to act like religious oligarchs, at least own up to. Let’s call it Easter Break. Hell, let’s get Good Friday off too. Throw in Columbus Day while you’re at it. Let’s do a communal prayer every morning and…

I’m sure I’ll receive some criticism from the religious reich that controls the small towns of America. To be honest, I’m surprised that I haven’t received any death threats (or hell threats) from some people with different views from mine or from people with similar views to mine who don’t understand my writing style. Now that I think about it, my writing is not great for making friends.

Oh, shoot, I just remembered this is supposed to be a satire article…

What’s the deal with airplane food? Amirite!?