Freshmen become sophomores, sophomores become juniors, juniors become seniors, and seniors become poor. And with it all comes a list of new majors and minors for WSC students to pursue before we all graduate into the dark abyss that is the real world. Let’s take a look at some of the most noteworthy additions to our already abundant list of majors and minors.

Computer and Pastry Bioengineering

This long awaited major comes after the outpour of cries from computer bioengineering students who never mastered the art of the cannoli. Honestly, this seems so obvious that I can’t believe the administration didn’t already think of this.

How do we expect our bioengineering students to succeed outside of college if they can’t even perfect a simple macaroon?

Nonetheless, the college will be offering a 60 credit hour major for Computer and Pastry Bioengineering in the spring.

Instrument Repair/Instrument Destruction

The minor for instrument repair has been on the docket for a while at Wayne State, but this new minor gives students everything they want and more! Not only will students learn how to adequately repair horns, woodwinds, guitars, pianos and amplifiers, they will also now be adept in smashing said products. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone into a music shop where the workers simply don’t know how to properly destroy a Schiller American Heritage tuba. This minor is sure to impress and scare employing music shops around the United States.

McDonald’s/Burger King Food Service

While some minors are used to enhance certain majors, others are seen as alternates. This one does both. Getting your minor in McDonald’s/Burger King Food Service guarantees you a job out of college at your local fast food restaurant. This is perfect for students with majors in art, music, writing, philosophy, or any of the majors for people who hate working.