We’ve all heard those same arguments about who is the best basketball player to ever play the game. “Oh, it’s Lebron, it’s not even a debate anymore.” or “No one will ever beat Michael Jordan” and then there’s your grandpa who’s still stuck up on Larry Bird, who was a good, not great, basketball player but the only white guy who could even make it into the discussion.

God, I’m so tired of our racist grandpa ruining sports talk with Larry Bird and Tom Brady. Don’t get me wrong…in his day, Larry Bird was a great player, but he was one dimensional. He was average at defending, average at rebounding, but he was probably the greatest shooter of all time (not including Steph Curry, who’s on another level).

Lebron is a great basketball player. Not only can he drive and finish above the rim, but he also has the ability to pass, rebound, defend and recently added a consistent three ball (moving and standstill) to his game.

Michael Jordan was another player who was great in his day. He was similar to Lebron in the fact that he could drive and score, pass, rebound, defend, but he never really developed a solid three shot (except when the NBA decreased the 3-point line to 22 feet). At the time, three point shooting was less common and only open threes were viable, but nonetheless this affects his ranking.

When it comes to ranking the best NBA players of all time, no one even compares to the great basketball legend, Jesus Christ. Jesus has the ability to finish above or below, side to side, through, within and without the rim. He also has the ability to cause the opposing to team fall over in disbelief. Also, who’s going to challenge Jesus Christ when he goes up for a shot? You want your chance at redemption revoked?

Probably Jesus’ best talent is his ability to float through the air and drop the ball from 30 feet above the basket. Not only is this shot impossible to block without goaltending, but it negates his need to dribble, making him the best ball handler of all time.

Furthermore, Jesus’ ability to transcend time and space make his shooting ability better than Steph
Curry’s. Unlike human, non-divine players, Jesus can just throw the ball and teleport it just above the rim, guaranteeing three points as soon as he catches the ball.

So next time your racist grandpa tries to tell you that Larry Bird or Jerry West was the best basketball player ever, remind him of Jesus Christ, the O.G. basketball player who revolutionized the game with his ability to transcend time and space and float 30 feet above the game.

The best part is that he’ll have to agree with you or he’s going to hell, where he can play basketball with Dennis Rodman and Allen Iverson for eternity.