With Donald Trump running for president (and surging in the polls) many questions come to mind. “Is this real life?” may be one of them. “Dear God could I move to Canada if this really hap­pens?” might be another.

Let us not forget, people, we have had Ronald Reagan for a presi­dent. A tired and forgettable actor (go ahead, name one of his movies), so this is entirely possible.

At least Trump has the experience of being a ruthless, cruel and ir­responsible entrepreneur to prepare him for American politics.

If we as a people are to believe that a trust fund baby/TV per­sonality is qualified to even be considered as a presidential can­didate, then what other ridiculous celebrities could we elevate to this level?

I have to tell you, Trump is nowhere near my top five.

Rather than give a baboon public­ity he doesn’t need, here are my top five candidates for America’s next celebrity president.

• Martha Stewart

She’s cold, calculating, in­timidating, and would like nothing better than to ruin you financially. I picture her emasculating Putin during peace talks and it makes me smile on the inside. This country’s first female president with have to endure some serious crap from the public, and I think she can take it.

• Samuel L. Jackson

Yes, you read that right. Jules Winnfield himself. Jackson was once heavily involved in the Black Power movement, and during that time took part in holding the board of trustees at Morehouse College hostage, while demanding change in governance and curriculum at the school to be less barring to the black student there. And they did. That’s all I need to know to wear his campaign pin.

• Gary Busey

Ok, this one might just be for fun. Personally, I feel I can trust a man willing to make such a genuine ass of himself on television but in a kind way. Gary Busey could take world leaders on spirit jour­ney’s through the American southwest and really improve this country’s international image.

• John Cleese

Yes, I know he’s British—this is my fantasy, so get your own column. Monty Python’s own has quite an intellect on him and can hold his own in verbal debate. Just check out his 1979 appearance on “Saturday Night, Friday Morn­ing” defending the film, “Life of Brian,” if you don’t believe me. And I think it’s high time we had a president with a real sense of humor.

• Ernest Hemingway’s reani­mated corpse

I already told you this is MY fantasy. This is my top pick. Who better to lead a war-minded nation such as ourselves? Who better to rule over our many con­flicts than a man who will not only start wars but go himself? If we are to constantly involve ourselves in war to appease our harsh, bravado-based culture, then I want a man who will go oversees with the boys, drink his way through it and then ponder deeply what he saw.

And while we’re bringing back dead authors, let’s throw Kurt Vonnegut on as a possible