Most people attending college have experienced loss at some point, but being young means not all have lost or found a system to self-regulate through the process of grieving.
This past year was one of the worst for me: my mom battled bravely through child loss and breast cancer, friends were left behind and my grandma passed the day before my birthday. While loss is not a new experience for me, 2023 really pushed me to my limits. However, I could count on one hand the number of people I trusted to assist me through the process.
I am not the only student grief has visited. Eastern Washington University (EWU) wrote an article discussing the stats of loss in college.
“Studies have shown that around 37% to 44% of college students experience a loss within the first 2 years of their academic career,” the article said. “While 60% of college students overall report having experienced a loss by the end of their academic career.”
EWU states grief is a subjective process, meaning a person’s own feelings and past will impact their grieving process. Because of this, each person heals or wears down at their own rate. Moving through this cycle can be a trying time of confusion and doubt, but it also opens students up to new possibilities.
One of the things I struggle with after losing someone is accepting their absence in my life. Whether it be a partner or family member, having to move on from someone isn’t usually enjoyable. Rolling with the life path Mother Nature has mapped out for me can be tricky, but I know good things will always circle back around to me and find me when I truly need them.
The National Library of Medicine (NLM) published research on personal growth in university students. One of the findings was the different models of grieving. I find the absence of someone keeps them close in memory while I move through new journeys in life, a model NLM would call “benefit finding”.
“Benefit-finding involves developing a new understanding of various meaning structures, acquired from forming new insights by way of interaction with the surrounding environment and through lessons learnt,” the research stated. “Whilst considered to have a positive effect overall, the acquired effects of this particular activity may not be demonstrated until sometime after the loss.”
No matter how you grieve, you’re doing just fine. Losing someone is not an easy thing to experience, so it’s incredible you’re still here kicking each day. There are people who would rather assist you through grief that grieve you, so don’t ever feel your hardships are yours to tackle alone.
