Women are still, despite endless feminism movements, defending their newfound rights and (really not that equal) equality benefits.  

It is agreed among many minority groups that they are not responsible for the education of oppressors. They end up defending the right to take up space anyways because few want to listen to honest requests for an even playing field.  

I often find myself explaining why women act the way they do and the history backing up their decisions. Weaponized incompetence plays a huge role in this back-and-forth equality lesson, but that is a whole different topic. It is usually men I find myself discussing this topic with, and I am usually taking the role of defender fighting against a sack-suit of hurt feelings.  

A few days ago, I had to defend teacher benefits and prison reform to my neighbors. My roommate and I exchanged glances in acknowledgement of us subconsciously taking on the role of educators for these guys. There was a mutual eyeroll directed towards the people we were talking to, and we backed off once we realized we had begun defending positions to someone we did not owe that to.  

This was not the first encounter I have had to back away from after realizing I was educating when I did not owe the lesson to someone. I am not the only one capable of googling the background of an issue, and I am not anyone’s mother. I know what I believe in and do to help my causes, but I am not expected to teach anyone I do not feel like teaching.  

Feminist Current released an article about this role women frequently slip into without meaning to. “When men appear to take an interest in feminist discourse, it tugs at this yearning,” author Cecilia Winterfox said. “While they can play devil’s advocate and toss around hypotheticals that are utterly disconnected from their reality and then opt out at the end, for women these discussions require revelation and vulnerability.” 

Winterfox delves into the idea that men will not learn unless they are taught by someone else. Minorities educating oppressors can help since it provides a more personal aspect to the lesson, but those oppressors should not have to hear horror stories to find basic human respect.  

“Spending time and energy nurturing men through their journey of self-discovery is not only incredibly dull, it actually serves to reinforce existing power dynamics and keeps us from collectivizing as women and enacting real change,” she said.  

I have never been once to baby men, but it is my goal this year to not overexplain my position. If you do not want to learn, I am content knowing I have made a difference somewhere else. I know a lot of people cradle men to help women excel, but just know it is not your job. You do not owe it to them, but you do owe it to yourself to protect your peace, prevent burnout and maintain your passion.