Dear every single woman,    

Just because I am a lesbian does not mean I am attracted to you.   

Recently, I had the great pleasure to find out that because I am a lesbian, when I hang out with a specific person, she sometimes feels uncomfortable because she thinks I am flirting with her. First off, I am not flirting with you. I am not attracted to you in the slightest. Just because you are a woman who I am being nice to, hanging out and joking around with does not mean I think of you anymore than anyone else. You are not special. You are not bringing me to my knees with your beauty or wit. You are simply a friend, who happens to be a woman.   

My sexual identity has no impact on my friendships with women. If I liked someone romantically, I would not peruse a platonic friendship with them. How much sense does that make? I am a very straightforward person, If I like you and want you to know, you will know.   

This is, I am sure, not an uncommon occurrence for anyone who is queer. I have felt discomfort from women around me my entire life. Being proudly out from a young age has always been a fight for comfort. In many ways, it was liberating to be me. To wear pride merchandise, to go to the parades, to talk openly about women whom I thought were hot, the same way men talked about women.  Sleepovers were deemed inappropriate; while it was normal for giggling girls to hide under the same blanket telling ghost stories into the late hours. For me, it was deemed taboo to be close to another girl, to my female friend. Some girls would refuse to be within the same vicinity as me when changing for eighth grade gym class while others would kiss me after a drink, laughing the entire time about kissing someone with boobs and a vagina. I have heard very similar talk from many of my friends.   

We make you uncomfortable? You make us uncomfortable! Why do you see us as overly sexual beings, as people who ogle every woman within the 20-foot radius of us.  Do you ever consider how we feel to be looked at in sexual ways when we are simply existing as a lesbian? I am uncomfortable that my friend would assume I am flirting with her. And, not even talking to me about it but running to multiple people about me “flirting with you”.   

In the future, please take these steps into consideration first. First, is your friend actually saying flirty or romantic things to you? Would you consider this flirting if your mom said it to your best friend? How can you communicate your boundaries and needs without spreading misinformation? Also, check your ego! Has your friend lowered their standards this much to you? Let’s be realistic. Stick to these guidelines and save yourself the embarrassment of being confronted!   

Xoxo, 

MacKenzie <3