If you’re in college and you tell people you’ve never thought about dropping out, are you sure you’re not lying? I think about dropping out a couple times a school year. It’s not that I’ll actually do it, but I do consider it. I deeply considered dropping out this summer and going to cosmetology school. But I have already paid for two years of my degree, so it wouldn’t be worth it to switch to something else. However, if I did, here are my options. 

I’ve decided that my dream backup plan is stand-up comedy. My favorite show is Saturday Night Live, and I almost watch it to see other people live out my dream. I’ve gotten really good at doing bits and get really into character while doing them. If I do a bit where I’m mad at my boyfriend for something he didn’t do, it takes me an hour to get out of character. Do I think I’m worthy of being on SNL? Absolutely not. But I do like to pretend I could get there if I tried.  

My other backup plan is to go to cosmetology school. I started dying my friend’s hair in high school, and since discovering hairdresser Brad Mondo’s YouTube channel, I’ve learned a lot more about hair. I think my hair dying techniques have significantly improved since discovering Brad Mondo. My services include cutting bangs, all over color, balayage, and curling hair. I’ve never done a full haircut on myself or anyone else, so that definitely wouldn’t go well. But I can definitely do an all over color pretty well.  

If school, cosmetology, and stand up all didn’t work out, I think I would just become an at home witch. I want to be a witch like the characters in “The Craft” and just live my best life. I think being a witch would significantly improve my mental health. Freshman year, my biggest impulse purchase that I wanted to see through was a velvet wizard robe, but my roommates made me change my mind about dropping $60 to look like Dumbledore.  

Honestly, I think joining the witch community might be a major career move. I wouldn’t want to do anything crazy like curse people, but I would like to know I had the power to do so. I think that if I was a witch, I would definitely cast some spells to make David Dobrik make a new vlog. I haven’t had a single David Dobrik vlog during this whole pandemic. Maybe being a witch would inspire people in my life to stop walking all over me. Who’s gonna try to use and manipulate a witch? Absolutely no one. Who do you think you are?  

Maybe I shouldn’t drop out of college. My idea list of backup plans would probably and almost definitely be shut down by my parents and my therapist. I’ll stay at Wayne State.