There are some truths that the world has decided to reject. I for one, refuse to stay silent about these quiet and odd facts any longer.

Midnight hereby shall henceforthbe called “Endofnight” as it is truly not only the ending of the night but also, in technical terms, signals that the morn is nye, this is proved by the fact that when discussing the time around one, many would say that it is “one in the morning” this is especially true when someone is discussing what time it is in an angry manner or tone.

Furthermore, by this impeccable reasoning, staying up until what was previously referred to as “midnight” shall now be known as pulling an all-nighter. Allow me to continue to aid my previous argument by pointing out an already accepted fact. If a mother goes into labor on Friday December 12, and the baby is born at one in the morning the child’s birth date is set to Saturday December 13. This concludes that December 12 has ended and so has its night, therefore midnight should be counted as “pulling an all-nighter.”

I believe that the words “blend” and “grind” and their verb tenses should be able to be used interchangeably. They have incredibly similar meanings and the implications of the words lend themselves to hilarious reactions from the recipient when stated aloud in a sentence where they seem not to belong.

Another truth which many deny, is the idea that a hotdog is a sandwich. Before anyone begins to form a mob to find and kill me, may I point out that if one were to place a piece of bologna (a blended meat) on a piece of bread (a form of ground wheat) and fold it in half, it is considered a bologna sandwich. If one is to place a hotdog (a form of blended meat) on a bun (a form of ground wheat) and call it a blended meat sandwich, a murderous riot would thunder from the hills to attack them.

My next proclamation, is going to be incredibly poorly received and highly controversial, but the truth must be stated no matter how angrily affected the public may be by it. Before you lynch me, just listen to my reasoning. Cereal is just cold, vegetarian soup. I will also accept the opposite, soup is just hot cereal with meat (you do have to say that soup is hot cereal with meat because hot cereal already exists, as does oatmeal)

Let’s break down the ingredients for soup. Broth- liquid and seasonings as well as some form of the main meat featured in the soup (or vegetable for vegetarian broth). The main meat is usually featured through boiling the bone or even just the meat itself. Sometimes there are other ingredients included, like vegetables, dumplings, or other fun additions.

Now, let’s break down the ingredients of a bowl of cereal. Milk which has been infused with the main ingredient (cereal) through soaking, sometimes people add honey or sugar for flavor (kind of like seasonings…), then add cereal, the main ingredient, and sometimes other ingredients, like fruit, granola, or sometimes even yogurt.

Don’t hate me, hate the truth.