Knocking on wood to expect an answer

Dunn for now

Sean Dunn, Columnist

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Hello, reader. If you’ll allow me the honor, I’d like a moment of your time.

Patience is a virtue, as we all know. The image of patience, however, is misconstrued. The ideal image for patience is remaining calm, inactivity.

Sitting still, you know? That’s not patience at all. Patience comes at a sacrifice, in my experience; I wring my hands, bounce my legs, look at the clock.

It’s awful. One might think, “That sounds more like impatience.”

Sure.

I can agree with that. I mean, patience is just waiting, right? Like I said, sitting still.

There’s a balance, however, that I think happens at the transaction of patience. We choose to do nothing but wait. Something needs to fill the void of the nothing. Instead of releasing our primal instincts and running out of the waiting room into the busy street, we need something to stay distracted. We have magazines and books for adults, toys for the kids. Doesn’t seem like enough, in my opinion.

Waiting rooms should have gyms. I don’t know how many calories you can burn by bouncing your leg, but if we’re going to be waiting, we might as well go all the way.

Besides, what’s the biggest excuse for people who tell you they can’t work out?

“Oh, I just don’t have enough time.”

“I’m just too busy.”

Imagine the things we could do if we filled our time patience.

I saw the episode of “Seinfeld” where Kramer is divulging to Jerry about how he is practicing polyphasic sleep. He sleeps only 20 minutes every three hours.

In Kramer’s way, he equates all this extra time to expanding his life, claiming that if he lives to be 87, sleeping eight hours a night, he’ll actually live the equivalent of 103 years if he tries this new sleeping cycle.

Later on, he wakes Jerry at four in the morning, requesting they rent a movie because he is bored out of his mind.

Here’s something to ponder: imagine the time I have on my hands that I look up an episode of “Seinfeld” to prove a point.

Thank you for your time.

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