As a new school year dawns, we have hundreds of freshmen and transfers joining the wonderful Wayne State campus.  Some may be from close by, but mostly likely, they’re all traveling from New Zealand or some other far-off place. With that being said, some of you reading this now may be looking for somewhere else to go besides whatever terrible building your classes are located in. Look no further than this wonderful list that I’ve compiled:

1. Wayne East Prime Stop Located just east of campus, this gas station boasts the best nachos in town, and is also home to the thriving population of homeless students, who travel out to Wayne East to use the stellar bathrooms and showers, which require only a dollar purchase! If you’re looking for somewhere to get food where you won’t be expected to be clean, hygienic, or otherwise presentable, Wayne East might just become your favorite “restaurant.”
2. The Ol’ Beef Gristle Mill, a historic building on the outskirts of Wayne, the Ol’ Beef Gristle Mill is now a tourist trap for country folk interested in the process of beef gristling. At this warehouse-turned-tour-facility, one can witness a recreating of all the necessary parts involved in beef-gristling: From the moment the cow touches the ground to the time the individual gristles of beef are packaged and shipped to the corners of our cow-flesh-obsessed region.
3. The 2400 Square foot Hot Tub. While this new edition to Rice Auditorium actually spans a total of three floors, the entrance is located on the second floor, where students can expect to enter the hot tub halfway up and completely underwater. While most hot tubs make you enter toes-first, this invention from the Engineering department allows hopeful soakers to completely submerge themselves in hot water immediately. It’s open from midnight to 3 a.m. and is intended to help stressed students after a long day of school.
4. KING OF THE TEENS Originally beginning as the simple graffiti of 14-year-old Banksy wannabe, Edward Wannock, the empowering words sprayed onto the side of a sewer tunnel have become a symbol for teenage rebellion and ultimate failure for the citizens of Wayne, NE. This sight is viewable 24-hours-a-day, but Edward Wannock has dedicated 4-8 p.m. on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday to standing by his graffiti and telling everyone who passes it that, although he is now 32 years old, Edward Wannock remains King of the Teens and shall never be dethroned.
5. Humanities 2nd floor bathroom Unlike most bathrooms on campus, this bathroom is home to only one actual classroom. Along with this, it is right across the hall from the building’s office, which makes it the most likely to be clean and empty. So when you’re right in the middle of a four-hour span of classes and that taco you ate for lunch is threatening to surprise you in the middle of your speech class, this bathroom will be perfect for taking a clean, quiet and comfortable break from your boring class to gather your thought.
6. The Sludge Lagoon. You already know that I saved the best place for last: THAT’S RIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WAYNE NEBRASKA HAS A SLUDGE LAGOON!

So few cities in the world (and even fewer small college towns) have access to a giant pool of beautiful sludge. You can jump right into it once you get over the barbed wire, and once you’re in OH BOY, the fun is just beginning!

You can splash in it! You can swim in it! You can even drink it!  Since the campus still can’t seem to figure out how to fill water into a pool, it’s a good thing we all have somewhere to swim during these hot summer days.