Let’s give Thanksgiving some time. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas as much as the next person, but everything has a time and a place.

I love Christmas lights and the reflection that they cast over glimmering snow.

I love the smell of Christmas cookies and putting up my family’s mismatched Christmas tree, but don’t take away my fat day.

Thanksgiving is a day to truly let yourself be as fat as you want! You can eat three helpings of turkey and mashed potatoes and get patted on the back for your commitment. Granted, the next day you have to run a couple of miles just to lose the fat you gained in one meal, but it’s all worth it.

Thanksgiving is the ultimate fat day. You eat as much food as you can possibly shovel down your throat and then to congratulate yourself you get to take a nap on the couch for as long as you want!

While I absolutely love Christmas, you have got to give me my fat day. I mean, what’s not to love about Thanksgiving?

After your nap you can watch Christmas movies without being harassed, and then you get to talk to everyone about what you are thankful for.

In reality, this is just a chance to passive aggressively brag about how great your life is while simultaneously putting down the other people in your family.

“Yeah, I’m really thankful for my chance to go to nationals in rugby. What? No! It’s really not that great… I’m totally just thankful for the opportunity!

I mean, it’s pretty great… But really, what are you thankful for Aunt Petunia? Divorce No. four or husband No. 5 five?”

To recap, I’m all for Christmas. I’m so excited that I bought a light up Christmas tree hat that I will be wearing as much as I can, but not until after Thanksgiving.

Because I don’t want to dishonor the fattest, laziest and most passive aggressive day of the year… it’s like the most common aspects of my personality rolled into one! What’s not to love?