Oh, Mother Nature, you’re such a dirty tease.

After nearly a week of flaunting her beauty, granting us a tiny peak at her glowing Sun and busty, blue skies, she will be returning to an ugly old wench this week, with the National Weather Service warning us that Ms. Nature is preparing to plow us with six inches of white snow Thursday and Friday, her winds blowing the powdery substance all over the place.

Part of our job as journalists is to criticize and condemn those who do us wrong, and Mother Nature, you and your beauty are not exempt from such criticisms. You’ve once again spent the blue and dreary winter months abusing us with more snow than we know what to do with.

Why? What is wrong with what you’ve given us the past week? When you’re in a bright mood, we love you more than Donald Trump loves Russia (or, more fitting for this metaphor, his daughter Ivanka). And when you’re at your worst, we hate you more than Donald hates “Saturday Night Live.”

Some places seem to receive your eternal love. What does Florida have that we don’t? Do their long, hard palm trees rev your engine so much that you give them all of your warm love? Have you made the Midwest your side chick, granting us access to your affection only when you’re in the mood for a little something different?

We have plenty to offer too, you know. Sure, a majority of us had a gigantic slip and voted for a troll doll, but people make mistakes—it’s part of being human. But you are more than human, Mother Nature. You are a goddess. You know what all we can do for you.

Generally speaking, we are the most kind-hearted people in the land of liberty. Sure, we may not have the natural beauty of a Hawaii or California, but what we lack in looks, we more than make up for in personality.

But maybe it’s not us—it’s you. Your instability from day-to-day (sometimes hour-to-hour) is tremendously tough to put up with. You seem to up and leave just as quickly as you arrive, never time for more than a quickie. Arousing our spirits with your light and crisp temperatures, you must find joy in the sorrow you leave behind.

So please, show us more love, Mother Nature. Today, in these dark and uncertain times, we need your light more than ever.

Mason Schweizer for The Wayne Stater