I can’t believe it has come to this. After a long few years of avoiding mainstream conversation topics, I’m finally breaking down and writing a column about politics. I’m as grossed out and uncomfortable as you are, believe me, but something about the weather has inspired a conversation about what is going to happen this November.

This might be the most terrifying day at the polls in the history of the United States. This is probably not true at all, however it is the first election I’m old enough to understand, and it isn’t good. Does one have to take a side? Donald Trump has insulted just about everyone except the rich white guys funding his campaign, and Hillary has been flattened between scandals for so long I’m not even sure what to blame her for anymore.

I’m simply an observer but my liberal minded brain tells me to leap into the direction of whoever else is out there, or leave the country. I’ve found lots of students joking about making a big move to Canada after the election, but I don’t understand why it is only a joke. Freedom of migration is such a privilege to have. Like wild geese, humans understand not every skyline calls to us. Somedays I think this star-spangled skyline is a bit too much for me.

After work on Sunday, the radio fed me the last snippet of the debate. One brave soul asked a question to the degree of, “What do you two like about each other?” In that moment I visualized two toddlers with giant presidential heads arguing in a sand box.

Donald Trump sat on Hillary’s sand castle and blamed it on her lack of structural support. Hillary filled his shoes with rocks and worms and proceeded to hit him with a shovel. He stuck out his tongue and made fun of her for being a girl. She said he was chubby. They both cried.

To answer the debate question, she talked about his children and what a good job he must have done fathering them because they turned out to be wealthy and well-dressed. Donald told Hillary she was a fighter and that he admired her perseverance. I agree with him and give her full props because I can’t imagine what it must be like listening to that guy over and over again, but yet I do. We all do.

It is something I call the Kardashian effect. This is a theory I developed about why our culture obsessively worships the group of people that we also make fun of. It is a common theme among the masses to agree that the Kardashian/Jenner family is really dumb. However, we can’t deny that the majority of us secretly empathized with Kim on that episode when Kourtney called her an ugly crier.

If you try to tell me that you didn’t raise your hand in praise mid-ugly cry when she had her first child or got married for the third time I won’t believe you. There is no way. I was there, a well-read, nearly graduated, 20-something philosopher, who knows better than to binge watch E! when the Kardashian marathons are on.

These are some of the most successful business women on this side of the world because they’re selling the only thing they really have, themselves and each other. The people in our election look a lot like reality television stars. Don’t be ashamed for cursing Hillary Clinton more often than you study for your midterms.

You’re only subconsciously trying to fit in.