You know what, fuck it.

This whole summer I worked my ass off at Quality Foods with the hope that the manual labor would make me more appreciative when the time came to return to school, but fuck it. It didn’t work.

To the guy calling the cops on us every weekend to satiate your grudge with our landlord, have a nice time burning in hell you Nazi asswipe. This is not an invitation to stop doing it. This is an invitation to visit your priest and repent.

To my landlords, thanks for literally renovating nothing and renting us a place with a basement full of black mold.

To whomever fired Max McElwain as newspaper advisor, you should be ashamed of the way you handled the situation. Dude was two years away from retirement. And this goes double for Maureen, how does a transcript error get you fired after 28 years of putting students first?

To anybody trying to tell me to be grateful, suck my dick. Emotional imperialism is how idiots convince other idiots to act in their own disinterest.

People have a right to their feelings, and if you somehow could force everybody to be grateful, would their gratitude really mean anything?

To most of my professors, you’re pretty cool people.

To incoming freshmen, don’t get addicted to the idea of security. People all over this campus are junkies for safety, myself included. It keeps us humble, dumb, and most importantly, in line.

The fact is, you and everybody you know are expendable in the eyes of your superiors. Your plan to become a specialized and valuable commodity in your field of choice, it might work out. Maybe.

But, and my dad knows this better than anyone, never let yourself get too comfortable.

To everyone still telling me to vote for Clinton, no. I’m voting Jill Stein. So she hates nuclear power, so what? That’s like telling me her favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla but that she’s not a pandering corporatist criminal. Unless Bernie gets back in it, I’m voting Stein.

To everybody on Facebook complaining, get off of Facebook and learn how to complain in real life. While you’re at it, call your mother and tell her you love her.

To my roommates, sorry I’m such an asshole sometimes.

Fuck the consequences. This is my last column until further notice.